The other night I went out with a friend whom I have a special interest in. We were at a bar having drinks and during the conversation she made a statement that harkened me back to an old relationship that I had that was not a pleasant one. During our conversation, my friend said, "A guy is a guy is a guy" and to this moment I am still seething over that statement. A while ago I dated a woman who used to like to hit me...hard, in what she claimed was a playful manner. Whenever I commented on the inflicted pain, she would say, That didn't hurt, guys don't hurt like women." Needless to say, that mode of thinking transcended the physical. She thought that being unfaithful wouldn't hurt either.
I guess I have a problem with people who assume that you aren't as human as they are. And when this mentality emanates from someone I'm interested in, it gives me great pause. It's as if she was saying to me, You see, women are diverse, with character and depth, and men are just dolphins minus the dorsal fin." Sometimes you get a glimpse into someones mind without them actually knowing that they are so exposed and one should take heed. The statement was made so emphatically, and then dismissed so casually, I have to catalogue it in the same genre as racist statements. In fact it was quite sexist of her to say such a thing.
Perhaps I'm being sensitive....so fucking what. As well I should be-the people that adhere to early warning systems are never the ones being rescued during floods, tornadoes, or hurricanes. And this, my friends, was an early warning. I can only imagine what may come next. It's as though guys are meant to be toyed with. I have to admit that I am extremely angry over the statement. And when I brought it up again, she said, "Oh, that was so yesterday." Where do these fucking humans come from? You all know that I've had an axe to grind with black women in the past, but I don't think I've ever dealt with one and didn't take into consideration her individuality. In fact, after having so many problems with women, I still gave every one I met thereafter the benefit of the doubt. I didn't lump them into this category whereby they all were lying, deceitful, ingrates-I reserved those titles for those who truly earned them.
I think I was wrong about this person. In the past I might have just dismissed the statement and said, "Oh, that's just her opinion." And how foolish I would have been. Who elses opinion will she consider when she decides that I'm not as human as she, therefore I am open to all sorts of violations and abuse? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm merely attempting to protect myself. I never thought my own wife would steal $5400 from me either. But somewhere in the recesses of her mind she gave herself permission to do that to me. Was it because I was male and less than human? Was it because I'm black and she wasn't? Or was it because only a fool would trust another person with access to their funds-wife or not? I have no idea what the reason was, but one thing I do know is I'm out of $5400.
Do I sound like a crying little girl? I hope so because I want you to consider the alternative-your ass in a fucking burkha. Either men complain about it, and some women (guilty parties only) see the error of their ways and decide that they have been insensitive to the needs of men, and have relegated them to a less than human status-or we agree to resolve our difference with tests of strength and see what the outcome will be. Make no mistake-I was born an alpha-male and will die one. Make no mistake-I understand where my strength lies and have no problem exercising it. It always reminds me of a statement someone I once loved dearly made to me. We were arguing over her transgressions in our failed relationship and after I made point after point where she'd failed us miserably, she summed it all up by saying, "Well if you knew I was going to do all of that, why did you let me." I beg you all, please, reread that last sentence, like about 10 times. Really! What I got out of the statement, immediately and without hesitation was, I'll give myself permission to do what ever I choose, but I will not take responsibility for my actions-that's the man's job. Why did you let me? Did she just ask me to put her ass in a burkha?
I don't know if I'll ever let that a guy is a guy is a guy statement die-it will forever be etched in my frontal lobe. And I think that I'll never be able to look at this person without knowing that she sees me as a cardboard cutout. What's so sad about it all is that the average male on the face of the earth will risk life and limb to protect his woman and his family. In fact, whenever we are with women, we are at risk of losing our lives. If ever a burglar breaks into our home, we are expected by all parties involved to face that danger in order to protect our loved ones. Let a man be the only survivor in an in-home invasion and watch how not only society vilifies him, but how he will probably torment himself to the point of suicide. Failure means the acceptance of death-and most real men know this and will readily face that danger, without hesitation.
What's left when the ones we desire to honor, serve, and protect, turn their backs on us? The decline of civilization.
TPOKW?
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4 comments:
Damn man! You’re reading my mind. Just the other day at work I was speaking with a female co-worker who was voicing her concerns about her husband taking their 10 yrs old son on a trip to a Utah football camp. Well she concerned, because she felt that it was too far a distance for him to drive with a 10 year old in the car. She worried that he (husband) would get tired and crash. Killing himself and her son. She worried that her son would grow restless, regardless of the in vehicle DVD system, books, psp, mp3 player, and so on. She argued that her son could not sit still that long. Her real concern was the safety of her child. You see she almost gave her life giving birth to this little boy and is not capable of have other children. Therefore she felt that she had this special bond with her son. Well like you this made me mad. I asked her if she was implying that her husband was unconcerned about their son’s safety or potential boredom while traveling. Her reply was "No." he was concerned, but I had to understand "that was her BABY, and if anything ever happen! You don't understand, you a man!" well that made me more upset. You see, my parents divorced when I was 10. I’m 47 now. And for 37 years my mother had tried to use me against my father. A man that has supported me all his life. A man who offered me a chance to live with him when she (mother) couldn't handle me. A man who walked away from a home he purchased with his G.I. bill, giving it to her so me and my brother could be raised in a house instead of an apartment. A man who gave her the car and took the bus to work until he could afford to buy another. A man who left with just the clothes he had. A man that WANTED to be a father to his boys. As time went by my mother would tell me how "mean and abusive my father was. She would make statements just like your lady friend..."I’m your mother" it was me who brought you into this world. It’s me you should choose before him. Well her efforts were in vain. Instead of transferring her hate of him into me, it strained our relationship. To this day at family gatherings she refuses to speak to my father even though she has remarried. He on the other hand just lives his life. Never saying a bad word about her. The way my FATHER handle the situation makes me wonder.... who is the real person? Who is the better person? Who really loves me as a son? Her? Or him? My mother, like my co-worker tried to dehumanize men. They look upon us as secondary creatures not capable of pain, feeling, or compassion. It hurts me when I see this. But I guess we are condition to be less then human from day one. You see girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. And boys are made and snails and.... well you know the rest. JLaw
There are very few women out there that understand men. Do we understand them? Yup. Ask a married man what upsets his wife and I guarantee you he can rattle that shit off like his social security number. We take the time to learn about them-the look at us like trees: Necessary for oxygen, but don't get in the way or you'll be cut down. I didn't know that about your upbringing. Sometimes I wonder about my mother and my father and what went on. I know my mother never said nothing ill of him and always gave him access to visit. Sounds as though your father was a good man-a damn fine man and you took after him!
I wish we could repair this thing, but I don't see it happening.
Dude, get you a moniker and stop logging in as anonymous. I gave you coolest name I could think of. What the hell could be cooler than J-Law? Well maybe J-Lo....in my bed!
*deep inhale* I just took that post in to let it resonate within the core of my being. I shamefully admit that I have been guilty of the "Men are just (insert stereotype)"
But after reading your sentiments, I resolve to think twice before allowing myself to think/say/feel so again. If only more men had blogs or used other media for sharing their core emotions, I can assure you that one woman at a time will stop and put herself in check--just as I did.
Thanks, as usual, for the enlightenment.
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