Any N*gger Will Do (Sometimes)

I was on my way home for lunch today and I passed the parking lot in my neighborhood where the LA county sheriffs deputies hemmed me up one summer evening last year. I was on my way to the grocery store and a cruiser pulled up behind me and hit me with the lights. I was walking but it didn't really make a difference, he decided to make an event of the whole matter. It turns out that someone was robbed at the local 7-11, (those damned havens for crime), and I (you guessed it) fit the description.

The deputy told me that a black male wearing a white t-shirt and blue jeans robbed someone at the local 7-11 and since I was wearing a white t-shirt and blue jeans and was black, I'd do (he didn't actually say I'd do but he might as well have). I explained that I had just left my building across the street and was on my way to the grocery store. It didn't matter, I needed to be searched-to which I obliged. And after it was determined that I wasn't carrying any weapons, I was told I needed to take a seat in the back of his cruiser....for the safety of the officer. At this point my cooperation ended. I told the deputy that I wasn't getting in the back of his cruiser unless he arrested me. Until such time, I was going to excercise my right as a citizen to stand in the parking lot while he conducted his investigation. He became beligerent and asked if I wanted him to call for back up. I told him he could call whomever he wanted, I wasn't getting in the back of his cruiser-I know my rights. "You have the right to detain me without arrest, but not confine me. Putting me in the back of that cruiser where I couldn't walk away if I wanted constituted confinement and I wasn't complying UNLESS I was under arrest. Deputy dumb-ass then radioed in and in a flash a second cruiser came flying into the parking lot Starsky & Hutch style. The cruiser came to a screeching halt and out jumped a dumpy female Mexican-American deputy. She exited her vehicle, and without knowing the lay of the land, began yelling at me. I let her finish and told her "First of all deputy, you don't speak to me like that. You are a public servant, you are here to serve me. My taxpayer dollar pays your salary, so I suggest you speak to me with respect-you work for me. Deputy Dumpy got the message and didn't say anything else for the rest of the time I was being detained.

A minute or so later, a field supervisor arrived and Deputy Dumb-ass blurted out, "He tried to play the race card!" I retorted, "It was you that said black male suspect, I said nothing about color." The supervisor began to explain what I already knew-they needed to get on with their investigation and I told them that it was ok to proceed. I then asked if I could call my wife to explain to her why it was taking me so long to return home, Super-Deputy told me, "Uh, no. You might alert the other bad guys." I told him that he watched too much TV.

First of all wasn't there only one black male in blue jeans and a white t-shirt? Who were the other bad guys (go ahead and insert the word black between bad and guys). The impression I got was that all of you negroes are no good, so anyone you call has to be a part of this ridiculous caper.

Moments later another cruiser pulled up and they shined an extremely bright spotlight in my face and had me do the perp turns like I was in a line-up. It was at that moment that I realized that if this "victim" was one of those all black guys look alike types, I was in big fucking trouble. As I turned from profile, to frontal view, to profile, I felt completely powerless. Sure I had managed to remain free from the confines of the cruiser for 15 or so minutes, but this faceless person held the fate of my future in their hands.

Finally a call came over the radios in stereo, "It's not him." Super-Deputy told me that I was free to leave." Without so much as an apology or an explanation. I gathered my personal belongings that remained on the hood of the cruiser and glanced around at the crowd that had loosely assembled across the street. Their presence was bitter-sweet: had they not been there, there's no telling what the 3 Stooges might have done to me for disobeying their unlawful order. But on the other hand I felt extremely embarassed as I walked away. For a moment I wanted to cry, I was so fucking angry, but I resisted the urge and just kept reminding myself that they were just doing their job. I put myself in the place of the victim and hoped that if ever I was robbed, attacked, or assaulted, that law enforcement would be equally as zealous in their attempt to find my assailant.

I didn't know if the victim was black, white, or Mexican but what I do know is that in the area in which I reside their are very few black people. This area is predominately Hispanic and the event got me to thinking. I love The Sopranos and I used to get a little chuckle at how they used to blame every crime they did on a Moolie. Like when Jackie Jr. was murdered by Tony Soprano's crew. The word that got back to the women of the clan was that a cracked-out black guy did it. I don't laugh at that shit anymore. I fail to see the humor in any of it. Too many black males have been falsely accused, incarcerated, and worse yet, murdered for these insensitive, irresponsible, and downright evil false accusations. And at any given moment any one of us could be one. From Charles Stewart, to Susan Smith, to the white trash women that accused poor black fictional character in To Kill A Mockingbird of rape-American history is littered with this shit and, quite frankly, I don't think the justice system punishes these false accusers enough. First of all, it should be considered a racial hate crime of the highest degree and should carry a minimum sentence of 5 years with no eligibility of parole. 5 straight baby. That should discourage these accusations of convenience.

I've beat this one to death.