The other night I was fast asleep and at about 4 am my wife wakes me up and asks me if I'm sleeping around. I found the question strange for 2 reasons:
1. It was 4 a.m.
and
2. I've informed her long ago who I sleep with is my business. I don't tell her what to do with her pu**y so don't tell me what to do with my d*ck.
But for some reason she pursued this line of questioning. She was being extremely persistent in her approach so I began to wonder if she'd come across some information. Sure enough, she had been through all the emails on my laptop. There was nothing that would lead her to believe that I was fucking around-just emails to a few people venting about our problems. I have to admit that I said some very harsh things about her. But I pointed out to her that these things I've said to her face. Still it hasn't stopped her from keeping me up late at nights as she fusses at me and cries.
I told her that with all of the things that we've gone through, how did she expect me to feel. I also pointed out to her that she has said some very negative things about me to her family and friends. When I wasn't working (even though I was still paying all of the bills), she would say some very damaging things about me to her friends and family. All the while I was paying 90% of the bills with money from the sale of my house. One of her friends, who was also the babysitter of her kids, once got funky with me and said some things about me being lazy to the kids. I kindly told my wife to check her friend before I brought a shit storm down on her. I don't like to use my resources against people but I don't mind, especially when they are defrauding the government by working under the table and getting welfare.
My wife has done so much damaging shit and she somehow expects me not to be bitter about them. I'm not saying that I'm an angel because I'm not. But what I can say is all of the negative things I've done in this relationship has been in response to shit that she's done. And for some reason, she doesn't think that matters. I told her last night that we shouldn't be talking about the things I said but why I said them. That is more important. It's not as though I'm just schizophrenic and talk bad about people because of a mental illness. I've talked to my wife time and time again about her behavior. We've sat down and come up with contingency plans on how to handle situations and arguments and when we get into the situation, she never complies.
I could go on and on about how foul she's been but that's not even important. I picked her, married her, and now is not the time to complain about how and who she is. That would be irresponsible on my part. I have no excuses. But I wish she would assume responsibility for her own actions and perhaps she would see how she can contribute to making our lives better.
Last night I told her that I didn't regret the things that I said and I wasn't sorry. Had she never read my emails without my permission she wouldn't have found out that way. Not only that, if she would listen to me when I talk to her instead of trying to find something to say back, she wouldn't be surprised. She feels embarrassed that I told people how she behaves. She likes to do her dirt in darkness but in light of other people's opinions she likes to pretend that all things are well.
Now before you all get judgmental on me about my comment about sleeping with whomever I choose, let me first say that you would need to walk one step in my shoes to understand why I feel this way. I decided when I was 19 dating my very first serious adult girlfriend, that I had no control over what she did when I was away. I found myself wondering if she was sleeping around when I was at work. After a couple of months of worrying about it, I just decided that I had only a tacit agreement with her regarding who she fucked. Married people stray and I didn't want to have unrealistic expectation regarding the relationship. We were just dating and if she decided she wanted to fuck someone else, what grounds (legal or otherwise) did I have to stop her? None. So I just stopped caring. I would have preferred her not fuck around, but if she did, I wasn't losing my head over it. I had better things to worry about.
I still feel that way today. And since there has a been a bout of infidelity on my wife's part (a month after we married), I made it clear that our marriage is one that no longer requires my fidelity. I love sex and variety. And if I vow to give it up to have sex with one person for the rest of my life, you'd better appreciate that because that is a huge sacrifice for an animal that was designed to mate with as many suitors he could get his hands on. Sorry people, you can go with all the man made-up shit you want to but the fact of the matter is males were meant to procreate with as many females they can get their hands on. Nature mandates it. It ensures the survival of the species. It always fascinates me how we make up shit thinking that we are smarter than our creator and Her design. Like I've always said in the past, you can put 100 men and 1 woman on an Island, come back in 100 years and you'll have 101 corpses. Put 100 women on an Island with 1 man and you can come back in 100 years and you will have a burgeoning society. I didn't design it that way, that's just the way it is. If you can argue against that last statement, then you probably shouldn't visit my blog anymore because I truly won't have one iota of respect for anything you say. The logic in that philosophy is undeniable. There's a reason why a man can impregnate an unlimited amount of females-nature needs it that way.
Now I will agree that it isn't a wise thing to do-but we have to remember that there are animals that risk life and limb to procreate. The male praying mantis (insect) actually dies during the act of copulation. The urge to procreate is greater than our will to live! Why? Because nature just needs you to continue doing so-not continue living, but to procreate. Once you've done so, you're just occupying space here. You're clearly in the way. I know it's hard to see yourselves in that light, but think about-if you died tomorrow, would the universe cease to exist? Would the sun stop shining? The wind stop blowing? The ocean discontinue to ebb and flow? No. The only difference is you won't be here. And the based upon the planetary population, less that .00000000000000001% of the world's population will ever even know that you've been here. If you're that significant wouldn't something happen? Wouldn't the sun at least stop shining for a while?
What does all of this have to do with my wife reading my emails? Nothing, I just go out on a tangent every now and again. And I appreciate you all going there with me.
The Prince
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