Last night I was supposed to go out on a date-but I canceled and opted to go see my friend's reggae band play...alone. Why, you ask? Well the woman I was supposed to go out on a date with was supposed to confirm by a certain time but failed to do so. At the last minute she called as though everything was fine. I told her it was kite flying season, gave her the best location to go fly one, and headed out to hear the reggae band.
I arrive at the venue and take a seat next to what I perceive to be 2 guys and a 2 girls. I don't think much of it, just a couple of couple's out to hear some good reggae music. As the evening progresses, the two guys go out on the balcony to smoke, and one is hanging all over the other's ass. I give them the side-eye, but hey, to each his reach right?
Later that evening, one of the 'guys' comes up to my table and introduces 'himself', his name is Rena. Don't know too many guys named Rena. This is about the time I realize Rena isn't a 'guy'. We chat about the band, she tells me they've been at the venue drinking since 6pm (it was 11:30pm) so she was pretty wasted. I tell her the band plays at the Sandpiper on Thursdays, she should check them out. She asks me to write the name down on a napkin and I say, "Sure." Rena comes back with a pen and a napkin and I scribble the name of the club, and some directions along with a map and hand her the napkin. Wait, did the club just see a 'dude' get my phone number? That's EXACTLY what I would have thought had I witnessed such an event-a dude picking up on another dude. I let it go.
Later, Rena, who's now become my favorite
The lipstick lesbian (LL) immediately begins the dirty dance. I'm most certainly not feeling this at all. I keep looking over at Rena who pretends to be in deep conversation with whom I'm hoping is a real guy because this evening is turning out to be too bizarre for this old man. I try to create some distance, but LL insists upon sowing her heterosexual oats tonight and I'm the chosen penis. I continue to create distance because #1 she's drunk and #2 I don't want to go mano a mano with Rena over this nonsense. Not that I couldn't take her-one punch and she's on her back counting light fixtures on the ceiling-but who wants things to come to that?
Eventually Rena comes out and begins dancing with the 2 of us...WEIRD!!! I turn my back to them and dancing alone is a blonde woman who'd told me earlier she liked my hair-so I begin dancing with her. This goes on for about a song or two when all of a sudden LL jumps in between the two of us and begins the dirty dance again. Now, I'm really uncomfortable. I'm being made a public spectacle of by a lipstick lesbian who is making it obvious she wants to do the black snake moan. I'm in a quandary, what am I to do? Finally, the band plays a slow reggae song and I make the excuse that I have to go to the bathroom and politely excuse myself. When I come out of the restroom, they're gone and I breathe a sigh of relief. Had they not left, I might have been propositioned and I have to tell you, vomiting wouldn't have been off the list of possibilities. Not that I found them disgusting, but the mere thought that I might have been propositioned to fill some void in a lesbian relationship bothers me.
In many ways I felt sorry for Rena. I know she asked me to dance with her girlfriend to make her happy and I'm sure there's no limit to what she might have allowed to transpire in order to please her. I didn't feel a kinship or camaraderie of any kind with her, I just felt, she being the stud of the two, had to indulge a lot from her girlfriend to keep her. And all the dirty dancing in public with a real man...that seemed like a power play on behalf of LL. It's as though she was saying, "See, at any given moment I can replace you with an original."
Sad.
TPOKW?
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