The Last Time We Were Together....

Was in the 60's. When I say we, I'm referring to black men and women. If my memory serves me correctly, it was the 70's that drove a wedge between us (Women's Rights Movement). We were hit even harder in the 80's with the introduction of crack cocaine to our community. In the 90's black women gained their independence and excelled in the work place and began to look down on black men for not excelling at an equally rapid pace, driving an even greater wedge between the genders. Now, just about a decade into the new millennium, the rift that separates us seem insurmountable.

Nothing could be more of a testimony to how far we've gotten away from one another than the latest debacle between Chris Brown and R&B singer Rihanna. Women believe that Brown crossed the line when he allegedly attacked Rihanna. Detractors say that Rihanna, who has spoken in the past about striking her younger brother in the face with a bottle, attacked Brown first. Some women believe that, even if Rihanna struck first, Brown should have just walked away.

For those of you who choose to ignore nature and her purpose, there is a reason why men are physically stronger than women-because typically we are slower to anger and under normal circumstances we use physical violence as a last resort. Women have much shorter fuses and are more emotional. I have theory as to why this is.

The Prince's Gender Theory
Throughout nature the female of most specie are responsible for the care of offspring. Our offspring are our future for without them we cease to exist. Nature, being the wise designer she is, knows that whoever is responsible for the protection of the offspring has to be someone who will act first and think later-enter the female. Females are emotional and they have no problem expressing their emotions. If they are upset, they may cry openly. If they are happy, they express their happiness. If they are angry, hell hath no fury. Nature needs an emotional guardian. Encroach upon the young of any female animal and, regardless of the size difference, that animal will attack. It's an emotional response. She doesn't take time to contemplate the danger involved and sometimes she loses her life defending her young. Male animals are a more analytical-a trait nature cannot afford when it comes to defending the young. Let's say there is a male in charge of the young and a predator encroaches. The male is going to size up that predator and contemplate whether or not he can defeat him. Secondly, he will begin to calculate the distance between he and the predator and whether or not he is close enough to truly be considered a threat. Lastly, he will consider ways he can salvage the situation without actually having to fight physically. A female would have already engaged the predator by now-and most likely sent him or her on their way.

With that said, men-real men, are relatively hesitant to use violence. If this wasn't the case, you would see far more violence perpetrated by men against women. Domestic abuse occurs, I'm not trying to say that it doesn't. But I think that domestic violence, just like immigration, is a political hot button and is sometimes used to manipulate the public. Women have also falsely reported domestic violence. I once dated a woman who was upset because she saw me sitting between two female coworkers at a bar. When I came home, she barricaded the front door of our apartment. I, knowing we never locked our 2nd floor patio door, climbed up on the balcony and let myself in. She then attempted to push me out, but I just walked past her, undressed and went to bed. Moments later, there was a police officer shining a flashlight and a handgun in my face telling me to get dressed. This woman told the officers that I came home and attacked her. The officers separated the two of us and began questioning us. It wasn't long before the officer questioning my ex walked over to his partner and said, "She's changed her story 3 times already. She's lying." I was asked to leave my own apartment and stay the night someplace else-I went to my mother's house for the night and the very next day while this woman was away, moved out of the apartment. Had she been a better liar, I would have most likely been arrested for domestic assault, and worse yet, convicted.

How did we end up this way? Why is it that men find it necessary to violently abuse women or vice versa? Why is it women defend or excuse their own irrational behavior? I have a theory.

The Prince's Theory of Gender Separation
As I mentioned earlier, women are emotional creatures and spend very little time analyzing situations. If it feels bad to them, they're done with it. If it feels good, even though they know it's not right for them, they'll go for it. That's not to say men aren't the same way, they too will do things they know that is not good for them. The difference being, men calculate the amount of damage they may have to endure and weigh the consequences. When I was a child and embarked upon an adventure in mischief, my excuse was already prepared and I determined if the risk was worth the reward. Even as an adult male, the few times I made the decision to cheat in a relationship, I asked myself if it was worth the risk of losing that relationship-it was never a spur of the moment decision. Often I would contemplate for weeks, sometimes months. I always wanted to give the person an opportunity to turn things around before I committed to straying because once that cat was out of the bag, he's extremely reluctant to return.

Back to my theory. During the women's rights movement, women fought for equality. Equal pay, equal access to jobs, and freedom from domestic duties. I can't prove this, but I believe that the women's rights movement was a lesbian movement and heterosexual women were emotionally co-opted. I believe that lesbians hid behind heterosexual women for their own gains. Now that lesbians have the access they desired, heterosexual women find themselves out in the cold, separated from their male counterparts trying to figure out how this occurred. Some 40 years later, if you ask the average woman about equal access to jobs, what you'll find is many of them long for the days when they were domestic engineers-not having to answer to over-bearing bosses, fighting hour-long commutes, and paying ridiculous monthly fees to day care centers. They were the masters of their homes and most ran a pretty organized and tight ship. Men weren't the ones who threw women out of their roles as domestic engineers-they heard the cry from women who had no use for a husband and joined up to become their own (and their family's) worst enemy. Heterosexual women now view men as oppressors, violent abusers, rapists, etc. (lesbian speak), and to their credit, there are men in all of those categories. But for the most part, the majority of men simply want a wife, a nice home, and a family they can be proud of. Lesbians managed to highlight and amplify the worst of men to drive home their point, and women, being the emotional creatures that they are, fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

Women must now find a way to lose those negative images of men. Sure, some of us abuse, rape, oppress-but the majority of us don't. And if we're going to judge one another by the behaviors of the worse, it would be just as easy for men to start with their long laundry list of negative female attributes. But that would cause nothing but more gender separation. For every Scott Peterson or O.J. Simpson (whose guilt I still question), there are a thousand Denzel Washingtons, Bill Cosbys, Barack Obamas, or John Does who don't murder, rape or abuse their mates-and they deserve the spotlight more so than the abusers.

I know many of you will denounce my theories and call me insane, but take some time to do a bit of research and see if there is any validity to my belief. One thing we can all agree on is the moment women left the home and began trading their labor for money to buy things they didn't really need, our children became the target of advertisers, and once there was a time they looked to their parents for guidance, they now take their cues from corporate sponsored product salesmen.

TPOKW?