Cheated In the Game of Life

When does a man lose the urge to cheat? If someone would have asked me that question 10 years ago, I would have answered never. But lately I've pretty much lost the urge to even look at women (other than my own of course). The idea of breaking the ice with a stranger unnerves me. I have no interest in hearing the pointless stories that have been retold in bars and bedrooms and restaurants to the many men who endure them only hoping for what some consider the ultimate pay off-in the end, we mostly just want to fuck. But lately, I've have no interest in fucking strangers. No, lately I have no interest in the thought of fucking strangers.

It's never the fucking that ever matters, it's the thought of fucking that's the most interesting. The mere act, well, is sometimes better observed. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the act, but it means more on an ethereal level than I allow myself to admit. Reserved now best describes my position. But trust me, it's an acquired position-a path down which women have recklessly lead me. I would have opted to have ended up someplace else-but I'm here. I would like to have held onto those beliefs, you know the ones innocently believed at a time long ago. But those thoughts were unfairly tainted with wishful thinking and naivete. I look back on those early years and smile inside-how foolish was I? But I'm certain I'm not the only one. I'm sure many a man has found himself here and wondered how he allowed himself to become so deluded for so long.

I hear it in the voices of the young-and wonder if it would be fair to ruin what may otherwise be perceived as a happy ending. There is no happy ending-sorry. There's just a series of misadventures that continue until you either opt out on your own, or are relieved of duty by some unpredictable twist of fate. And in the rear view mirror, your past stares back at you and for a brief second you wonder if there's still a chance-a glimmer of hope for the future. Sure, you would have preferred a lifetime of bliss, but you'll settle for a decade, or half, or less. In the end we rise from the game table of life, count our blessings, and comfort ourselves with the handful of fond memories we walk away with. And we tell ourselves if we had the chance to do it all again, we wouldn't change a thing-but that's just what we tell ourselves knowing deep down inside we would change it all if someone would just give us the chance.

TPOKW?