"Where you been?" they keep asking me.

Good question. I've, err, ughh...been busy. Truth be told, I've been swimming with the sharks. I had some really juicy stuff to talk about, but I got cold feet and decided that my arrest last November wasn't anyone's damn business but mine. Since the cat's out of the bag, I might as well speak on it.

I'm not going to go into detail but suffice it to say, my girl was ripped off by a contractor, then he vanished. We managed to locate him, went by his house and left a note. We then went back the next day and he was home. I asked him when he planned on finishing the fence he was handsomely paid to build and he went through several gyrations before going in the house, calling LAPD, then coming back out and getting all up in my face. My initial response was to hit him, but I knew this wouldn't be a productive thing to do. So I just stood there yaking back and forth with him. Just then, the boys in blue rolled up, he yelled, "He hit me", I was cuffed and arrested. TRUE STORY!!!

Bail was $50k-420 pc, communicating a threat, (after the cops decided that me allegedly hitting him was flimsy, my nemesis claimed I said I was going to assemble my 'crew' and come back and kill his entire family).

Some of you may doubt this version of the story, but if I gave you the full details, you would believe me even less. My girl couldn't believe, in this day and age, an out and out criminal could rip someone off for several thousand dollars, and then get away with saying someone hit him and have that innocent person arrested. This man stood at least a foot taller than me and outweighed me by at least 70 lbs. But you know us fierce negroes have to be watched-we're known for our super-human strength. We've been rumored to have the strength of ants (relatively speaking).

Don't get me wrong, I've mixed it up with guys much bigger than me before-most of the time successfully. But come on, at my age, I have no business fighting a cold. Fighting wasn't anything I was interested in-hell I wasn't even interested in being there. I just wanted to help my girl rectify this problem.

And the boys in blue? Ohhh, man the quality of cops has gone down. These aren't very bright individuals who can think on their feet. Even the detective that contacted my girl to interview her left a note on her door-she called him back in less than 15 minutes and said, "you left a note on my door," and he still didn't know who she was. Wisely, she told him, "Call me back when you figure out whose door you left a note on," and hung up the phone. Fifteen minutes he calls back and says, "Why didn't you just say who you were." Great detective work Sherlock. No wonder so many crimes go unsolved.

I'm not saying there aren't smart cops on the force, I'm just saying every one we dealt with during this episode shared a collective IQ of 50.

Incidentally, no charges were filed against me. But for the 10 minute ride to the station and about an hour and half of less-than-luxurious accommodations, we were billed $4000.

You would think something like this couldn't occur in the bustling metropolis of Los Angeles, but guess again. Am I bitter, not as much as I should be. The incident damn near tore my girl and me apart, but we made it out ok, both of us more cautious about what we say and do. Neither of us cared for strangers before this incident, and we like them even less now.

So that's my story. Remember, next time you decide so talk to someone who may have ripped you off, video or audio tape the incident-it may keep your ass out of jail.

TPOKW?