Matters of the Heart

It seems like just yesterday I decided that loneliness would be my constant companion. I guess it was foolishly pessimistic of me to make such a brash statement at a time of extreme uncertainty. Perhaps I needed some sort of justification for the place I had found myself. I, like most, fear the unknown. And not knowing if I'd ever find the courage to move beyond the present state I found myself in was something I wanted to face bravely. Which probably explains why I took such a solid stance on never dating again. But I'm here to admit I was mistaken.

My older sister, Jennifer, and I were having a conversation one day about the joys of entering certain stages in life. I, now being middle-aged, enjoy being called 'uncle' by, and being an uncle to, my nieces and nephews. I enjoy nature a lot more than I did when I was a young man, and occasionally enjoy a drink to take the edge off what all too often ends up being a stressful day. As a young man, I was too busy doing what young men do to appreciate the beauty of nature. I didn't have nieces or nephews, and I drank mostly to get drunk and party. But with age comes moderation and I now like to take the time to enjoy the precious moments that so many of us take for granted.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I've discovered a new appreciation as well. I believe I've developed a patience that affords me the ability to savor the sweetness of those fleeting moments that mark time in one's memory bank. In case you're wondering, yes, I've found someone who has touched me in ways I've not known possible. I know that sounds like such a cliche, trust me, it is anything but.

Time provides us gifts if we choose to accept them. But we all fear aging so terribly, most of us enter into the process reluctantly; missing out on so much. Who knew romance could be so rewarding being middle-aged? I know the young believe they've cornered the market on it, but they have so much to learn about love, it's almost impossible for them to fully understand the depths of what it may offer. A true indication of this may be found in the high divorce rate. So many believe that the aging process has nothing to offer-but I believe that if you are married and be patient, time has so many gifts to offer you along the way. Instead of jettisoning your mate in search of your younger years with a complete stranger, perhaps we should all consider rediscovering our new selves with the person we are with.

My situation is a little different. The person I am speaking of is new to me. We are both middle-aged and we've somehow found a way to see the world the same way. There are probably a lot of contributing factors, but one thing I know to be true is we focus on one another. I am not saying that we see everything eye-to-eye; we most certainly do not. But we do view partnership similarly. Each moment we spend with one another seems to lay a foundation that we almost effortlessly continue to build upon. We enjoy dining with one another-it seems almost mandatory that, when we can, we do. She enjoys cooking healthy meals for me and takes great pride when I compliment her on her culinary accomplishments. I've been with enough women to know that these days, this is rare.

If we allow it, time perfects us. But all too often we fight it-longing to maintain a youthful appearance and not disappear into the backdrop of society. I being one who appreciates sometimes going unnoticed, can recognize the benefits. I know what it is like to be amongst a crowd of people and not be acknowledged-inherently, it has its own rewards and if we silence our thoughts and relish in the moments, we can begin to appreciate those rewards.

I don't know how promising my future is with my new friend-and I don't really allow myself to think much about it. What I am learning to do is appreciate each day as it comes, and celebrate it as though it is our last. I don't think I've let a day pass that I haven't told her how much all that we do together means to me. I am genuinely delighted each time she leaves a token of her appreciation somewhere I'll surprisingly discover it. It is an indication of her thoughtfulness. There is so much that could be learned from what we've naturally seemed to have discovered. The young might be amazed at how much they truly don't know about matters of the heart.

If the gods smile down upon me, I believe I would be blessed if the rest of my days could be spent like this; with her. On the horizon I can see my end, and I no longer concern myself with if I'll get there, or when I'll get there. What is most important to me is how I get there, and if my Drugh and I discover a way to travel that path together, it will be a crowning achievement on what has been the most splendid and rewarding life one could ever imagine.

TPOKW

Is America An Emerging 3rd World Country?

With a war that is costing this nation over $1 billion a day, a housing market that has lost any semblance of a bottom, and oil at over $130 a barrel, I would venture to say...maybe. Months ago I wrote a blog titled, "Who Will Officially Welcome Us to the 3rd World?" and posited that we were well on our way. I'm still as pessimistic as I was then, but now I'm simply hoping that this election will turn things around-but it's unlikely.

The two (op)posing parties have the same agenda-catering to the owners of this nation-not it's labor force. If you don't own a piece of this country-a major piece, then you are going to find it difficult in the future to maintain even a substandard lifestyle. There are those who have seen themselves as a part of the establishment, and voted based upon such a belief. And it is those same individuals who are now recognizing that they too are just a cog in the machine that can simply be shut down, dismantled, or discarded at the behest of someone else.

In 1999 gas prices were $.90 a gallon. And then some of you decided to elect an oil man for President, and by doing so, we've gone from below $1 a gallon to $4, an increase of over 400% in 9 years. Does anyone else besides me see a correlation? But who's to blame? Certainly not the wealthy or the politicians. They've just done what we've allowed them to do-become what we've allowed them to become. The Native-Americans (I still call them Indians), believed that the land belonged to all. But now we all are seeing that we're being excluded from a system that we've helped to build.

The economy knows no discrimination. When you pay at the pump, you don't get a Republican or Democrat discount. There are no discriminating practices when it comes to foreclosing on someone's home. It's simple, you can't pay-you're out. Although minorities may be the first to go when companies decide to lay off its labor staff, but eventually we all feel the sting.

I have a question to pose to those of you who swore that immigrants were taking your jobs-Are they the ones sitting at the desk you once occupied at that corporate call center? Wait, I believe I have the answer to that-no. I also have a tidbit of information for you. When public sentiment was that immigration was destroying the labor market, in a way you were correct-they just used the wrong homonym. Immigrants taking jobs wasn't the problem, it was job emigration-jobs leaving the U.S. to be had by individuals in nations as far away as India, China, and as local as Mexico and Canada. Dell Computer, American Express, and a host of other corporations were able to reduce their overhead by paying an Indian worker a fraction of what they paid a U.S. citizen. During the Bush II administration, these same corporations have enjoyed tax breaks that would comparatively make welfare look like the cost of a McDonald's happy meal-all at the expense of America, and Americans.

What bothers me the most, is that everyone is silent. No one is really standing up and screaming at the top of their lungs about any of this. But I know the reason why-you see, we've allowed them to label us, separate us, categorize us...willingly. African-American; Asian-American; the disabled; multi-ethnic; white; Democrat; Republican; Independent. We were Nascar dads and Stay-at-Home moms. But do you know what they call us behind our backs? CONSUMERS. If you're finding it difficult seeing the problem with the term, allow me to illustrate it for you. Imagine a large sow, (for those of you who've never been on a farm before, that's an adult female pig), laying on her side and beneath her are a dozen little piglets suckling. The sow is the system, you're just one of the piglets. Now let's say that, for whatever reason, the sow loses her interest in the piglets, gets up and allows them to fend for themselves. Some will probably survive, most will not. People, the sow has left the building.

Look, I know this is hard to believe. How could your government do that to you? Well, for those of us whose ancestors were brought here in chains, beaten, raped, tortured, and then set free without any psychological assistance to repair the damage that had been done to our mental (and physical) well-being, we've seen this before. You're just a number and if children are forced to work in sweat-shops for pennies a day-in modern times, how is it that you would think the very same thing couldn't happen here? It's a mentality-a mindset. It's a philosophy, and all it takes is for someone in a position of power to see it as a viable solution to a problem. Yes, it's just that simple. Sure, people are going to hit the streets in protest, but understand this-you're protesting against your sow, and if you piss her off enough, you may never suckle again. They control the food supply, the water supply, and although you'll still have air to breathe, they are making sure that you'll have more than your fair share when you're forced to live out of doors.

But all is not lost. I say look to the Amish. They've lived self-sufficiently for centuries. Never taking more than was needed (over-consuming). Living and working in small self-serving communities, (communism people). Capitalism is for those who control the capital and the resources. In a truly free market it might have worked. But this hybrid economic system we have serves only a small segment of our population-and they have no intentions of sharing. We all were nothing more than just labor, and America a labor camp. And now that we've made them uber-wealthy, they've picked up like a swarm of locust and are descending upon crops elsewhere while the rest of us sort through what's left of what was once a great idea, but is now nothing more than a dream turned nightmare.

Exhaustion-Running on Fumes and From My Demons

I'm tired. Really fucking tired. Why? Because I'm too stupid to go to sleep. Rest is what I need, but instead I'm appeasing my demons and blogging. Yes, I have demons. Little brown ones that sometimes manifest themselves in the form of midgets. Why midgets? Because when I was a kid, the Oscar Meyer Weiner man came to town and he was a midget. My little sister was afraid of him because she'd never seen a grown man that small before. At the age of 4 she knew something wasn't right about him. First of all, he drove into town in a giant hot dog. She cried when he disembarked. I wanted to kick his ass for making her cry, but my mother warned me that he was a little man and I was boy. And even though when we eventually squared off we were eye to eye, he could take me-she knew it. Realistically, I don't think she wanted us to fight because she didn't want to end up in the local papers for kicking the midget's ass-victorious perhaps, but lacking the glory one garners when they defeat an opponent. Sort of like when an aging Muhammad Ali was defeated by the toothless Olympic gold medal winning Leon Spinks-lackluster to say the least.

So, we let the little man leave town. But there's still that picture of me and my two sisters posing in front of old man Kirkpatrick's grocery store next to the midget. Is midget politically incorrect? I'm too tired to give a fuck. It's not like one could take me now. Besides, midgets have come a long way. Look at Wee Man. He's in a movie. I'm regular sized, I've never been in a movie-well maybe not one you'd want to see. And what about Bridget the Midget? See, she uses midget, so I guess I'm cool (not that I was worried or anything. Like I said earlier, I'll kick a midget's ass). But back to Bridget the Midget. As you may know, she's a porn star (that term is so loosely used). I've actually seen her in action but there was nothing sexual about a naked woman with two little stubby legs in the air being penetrated by a full-sized adult male. It was comical at best. And quite frankly, I don't like to mix my sex with comedy. That's equivalent to eating in the bath tub. But I watched. Not to the end...what the hell do you think I am, a freak?

Anyway, like I said before, I have my demons. They aren't always midgets. Sometimes they appear to me as women with three eyes...short women with three eyes....MIDGETS with three eyes. What the hell is it with me and midgets? Perhaps I have a repressed Napoleonic complex that needs addressing. There is that picture of my two sisters and me posing with the Oscar Meyer midget. My little sister was taller than me. Perhaps I feared never growing and ending up a 4-foot tall black midget who's only means of support was to travel from small town to small town in an oversized hot dog on wheels being threatened by little boys who would swear on a stack of bibles that they could kick my ass.

I need sleep.

TPOKW

Too Soon?

When two people with a mutual interest in one another meet, millions of questions crowd the mind. I wonder what he/she is like in bed? I wonder if we'll make it past the first date? I wonder if..... If you're anything like me, you try to predict if and when it all will end. But if things seem to be progressing smoothly, we often find ourselves faced with the is it too soon dilemma.

There should be some sort of progression chart that you can refer to when you want to know if you're progressing too quickly. Of course, all situations aren't the same. Sometimes you meet that perfect person, hop in the carpool lane together, and fast track the relationship to a painful and bitter end. Sometimes things do workout. We have no way of knowing, it's just a chance we all have to take while we pursue companionship in a world full of people who find connecting difficult.

Who determines whether a couple is moving too soon? I think we can all agree that meeting someone in Las Vegas and awaking married the next day is too soon. Talk about living for the moment. I've been known to do some wild, outlandish things, but I can assure you that I would never meet someone in Vegas and marry them the same night. Perhaps sleeping with someone on the first night is way too soon, but we've all done it (I suspect). But that goes beyond the scope of a relationship and relates to some entirely different agenda.

I think we all worry that we're moving too fast but I've yet to meet the person who can produce a document that will tell us when and how we should proceed. We all seem to know when it's too soon, but I have yet to hear what the opportune time should be. The toughest one of all seems to be when you utter those 3 words that always seem to seal the fate of a relationship. Once you say "I love you", it seems like the die has been cast and you either spiral into bliss or, in the not-so-distant future, someone's going to be needing a lot of Kleenex. Hearing those words is like winning the gold medal in the Olympics. Prior to hearing them you're in training. Up every morning at the crack of dawn. You eat right and keep the snacking to a minimum. You're in great shape-destined to take the gold. And then you take the podium...center stage. Over the loud speaker you hear the American National Anthem. It is your crowning moment. You bend at the waist and someone places atop your head the Caesar wreath and then the gold medal. You've done it! The moment you've been waiting for. It's the Olympic equivalent to hearing, "I love you."

You return to your home town a hero! Everyone says they knew you could do it. Everyone says they knew you back when. Who needs to train now? You've reached the pinnacle. All of sudden, you're partying to the wee hours of the morning-everyone wants to buy you a drink....how could you resist? Your waistline begins to expand, your endorsements dry up, and the honeymoon's over. It won't be long before TMZ eulogizes you.
I don't know what it is about hearing those three words that causes us to claim victory, but we always do.

I wish I had the answer because I know that we sometimes sabotage relationships by attempting to adhere to this imaginary timeline that no one has seen. I don't know what constitutes too soon, but I know the ramifications of being too late. Think about it, can you ever arrive to work too soon? Not according to most bosses-but you can definitely arrive too late. Is it ever too soon to begin investing for your retirement? Absolutely not! If you find a financial analyst who says otherwise-fire him on the spot. Is it ever too soon to do your Christmas shopping. Arguably yes, but consider the alternative. It's 12/24/(year whatever). I'm preparing to hit the malls-they close in 3 hours. I'm so stressed that if my blood pressure was measured in dollars, it would be considered a small fortune. I'm driving like a maniac. Running red lights and cursing anyone who'd dare drive the speed limit during my time of crisis. I hit the parking lot and, just as I suspected, parking is damn near non existent. I hit one department store and I have no intentions of leaving until I've purchased everything I need. 3 hours later I emerge the victor and promise myself to never again criticize those who shop too soon.

When it comes to relationships, who has the answers? Is it quite possible for two people to meet, let things flow naturally, ignore the warnings from those uninvolved parties who seem to be trying to rain on our parade, and have a successful relationship? I think so. We have to ask ourselves, how much of that advice can we attribute to jealousy? Too soon just might be a way for someone to throw a monkey wrench into what might otherwise be the beginning of a perfect relationship.

It's probably best that we develop our own too soon barometer. We should be reasonable and resist the urge to deviate from the plan when we've been inspired to move quicker. Even still, once we've waited the allotted time, it doesn't mean we should move full speed ahead. It just means that we've gone beyond the required waiting period and we can now consider moving forward. We should also use the time to evaluate the situation, but not over think things. All to often I am guilty of over analyzing a situation and ultimately killing the spirit of the relationship. This is beginning to sound like an advice column and that was not my intent. Perhaps what I'm trying to say here is that we should make our own determinations as to what is considered too soon, and what isn't. What may be too soon for someone, may be too late for someone else.

TPOKW

Idiot Nation

I heard this morning that a group of kids were arrested for vandalism the other day. Now that might not really be anything worth talking about, but if you dig deeper, there is a story behind the story. The kids got busted because, not only did they video tape their illegal antics, they posted it on youtube.

What the hell is wrong with kids these days? It seems like daily there is some teenage numbskull on the television who was busted for doing something totally ridiculous. I know most of you remember the video post of the girls who beat the hell out of that other girl for supposedly taunting them in cyberspace (white on white crime-but no one really likes to talk about that, do they?). There was the incident; the youtube post; ridiculous press coverage; and then arrests. It doesn't require a degree to figure out. In case there are teenagers reading this (which I doubt because teens don't read), you know the tape that you have in your possession? Yeah, that thing you just took out of the video camera-that's called evidence and it can and will be used against you in a court of law. Oh, and incidentally, the guy sitting behind the table placard that reads Plaintiff, and the the guy/girl sitting on the perch wearing the black robe and holding the wooden hammer, they aren't your friends, teachers, parents, or any other person that you've successfully manipulated in the past. They are THE LAW and they've seen enough idiots, just like you, who thought that they could play dumb, or concoct some oddly ridiculous story that flies with mother but couldn't fool a 5th grader. If you lined up the people who came in to court with the dog ate my homework excuse, you could wrap it around the globe 29 times.

Honestly, I don't blame the kids-I blame the parents and the teachers. A child's first bout with authority is usually with their parents, and then later with the administrative staff at school. If either of these institutions show too much leniency, complacency, or are exposed for their naivete, you can rest assured that the child will one day interface with the judicial system and think that it's as porous as their earlier bouts with authority systems. Sadly, parents and the school system are failing children. Parents these days want to be buddies with their children. By doing so, they neglect the duties and responsibilities required to raise a productive member of society. When a child can spin a tall tale and the parent(s) fail to become Ellory Queen and investigate every nuance of the story, that child has just learned that he or she can manipulate the truth and you (the parent) will be danced around the truth for the rest of the time that child is in your care. Parents have to make it difficult for the child to lie, and even more difficult for the child to get away with lying.

Once, when I was about 12, a stepfather of mine called me in for dinner. I had been playing outside all day and I went to the restroom and then sat down to eat. My stepfather asked if I had washed my hands. My response was yes. He then asked if I'd used soap. I again replied yes. He then got up, walked into the bathroom, and brought out a completely dry bar of soap and asked me why the soap was still dry if I'd just used it. Two things occurred at that very moment-#1 I realized this man was no idiot, and #2 next time I better wet the soap (kidding). Actually, what I did learn was that lies were fallible. And if you told one, it had better have been after some serious planning. If you come of the top of the head with it, someone with half a brain will be able to pick it apart. I became so impressed with his technique, I began to explore ways of lying and how those lies were easily exposed. I tried desperately to come up with a foolproof caper, and my 12 year old mind was unable to create a scenario whereby I couldn't get busted. So what did I finally decide to do? Give up lying until I could get better at it. After years of practicing honesty, I never really looked back. That's not to say that I haven't lied-but I have been honest to the point where I've lost girlfriends, and jobs-I feel compelled to tell the truth.

It doesn't help that our government has adopted a prove it mentality. When kids hear the president of the United States say things like, "I didn't inhale," or I didn't have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky," and both of those statements be bold-faced lies, where is their incentive to tell the truth? The rotting fish is lying from the tail to the head, why should the children be any different?

You might be thinking that it wasn't lying that got the bumbling youtube criminals busted-but it was lying. Lying and not being busted, (or not being punished if they did get busted). It bred this overconfidence in their ability to get out of trouble. They tell themselves these ridiculously childish stories that have more holes in them than swiss cheese-a pre prepared excuse that with even a cursory glance would appear to be as thin as tissue paper. But hey, come on, mom falls for it all the time. Well there's one thing mom lacks, and that's the experience of sitting all day and hearing the same tired stories from criminals who confuse judges with their blinder-wearing mothers. The judge has heard it all. In fact, I'll bet you money that he can probably take one look at a defendant and, based upon their appearance and the crime they are being charged with, predict the story that will come bellowing from their mouth. This is precisely why they insist you not represent yourself-you're an idiot and we need to appoint someone to keep you from tripping over your own two feet.

Committing a crime and then posting the evidence on youtube is intellectually equivalent to walking into roll call at the local police station and robbing at gun point all whom are in attendance...without a disguise. And if this isn't remotely apparent to the idiot who decides to post what he or she sees as his or her ticket to fame, then we've managed to create an entire nation of idiots who will undoubtedly continue to exhibit this incredibly imbecilic type of behavior no matter how many are caught. My hope is that this doesn't become epidemic because, instead of hitting the streets and doing real investigative work, our detectives will spend their valuable time perusing the posts of youtube looking for their next big case.


Wake up people.


TPOKW