Thursday, September 25, 2008
Economic Downturn=Less Fake Boobs-It's the End of an Era!
Those of you who know me well know that I have a pet peeve-fake boobs. To me, putting silicone or saline filled bags atop your breast plate is equivalent to gluing fatter rose petals on a rose. You can't improve upon that which the creator has created. Of course there are exceptions-when a woman is born with an abnormality or when she undergoes a mastectomy. In those instances, I believe one should consider restorative surgery. I once dated a girl who was born with one big boob and one small one-she opted to get the larger one reduced. I asked her why she didn't make the runt larger and she said she feared they wouldn't age the same. In similar situations, I could see getting an enhancement, but getting implants because you were born with 32-A's, in my opinion, is just ridiculous.
Breasts are beautiful-period. Bigger doesn't necessarily mean better. If they sag, beautiful. If they get stretch marks, beautiful. If they no longer stand up at attention like they did when you were 16, that's ok-hopefully by the time they've dropped below see-level, you've developed character and a personality that transcends the altitude of your breasts. Women should know, if you got them-men love them. If you strategically place a pair above a knot hole on a tree, you'd find a man in society not above fucking that tree. I, of course, am not one of them but just know that they are out there.
Breasts are powerful enough on their own. They can make a man go deaf and cause his eyes to fixate and only break gaze once they've left the room. At Mardi Gras, a flash of breasts, any old breasts, causes crowds of both men and women to throw beads and erupt into a chorus of YEAHHHH's!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Breast don't need help. But there are women out there whose self-esteem is tied directly to the perkiness of their boobs. In my opinion, the creator made boobs for men and babies (not necessarily in the order of importance-but if you really want to get all chicken-egg about it, the order is correct. You need the man before you get the baby). So many women who get breasts implants claim that they got them for themselves-Poppycock! They don't improve the production of milk, and I don't think you get a stiffy looking at your own-so please, someone tell me what the hell is meant by such a comment. Oh and if you do get a stiffy looking at your own, well, you're not exactly a woman after all now are you?
In my opinion, there is nothing worse than a mature woman wearing a skimpy outfit that accentuates her silicone/saline filled gel sacks. I once saw a woman that was so wrinkled and skinny, dressed like a 17 year old tart. I think everyone in Old Navy that day agreed with me-she looked ridiculous. There wasn't anything sexy about her. She received no cat calls, no whistles, no invitations to dinner. Put her on the arm of any man and he'll chew that arm off in the name of liberation.
With all that said, I guess in some ways I'm a little happy that the economy has had a turn for the worse. Visa/Mastercard will no longer fund these unnecessary attempts to corral youth in a sealed silicone breast baggie-you'll be forced to fund the fiasco solo. And with the saving habits of most Americans and the rising price of housing, gas, and food, I think it's safe to say we've seen the end of an era-HOORAY!! Hooray for the breast as it was intended to be! If the creator wanted every woman to look like Pamela Anderson between the neck and waist, he wouldn't have created Calista Flockhart-and I'm sure that would have made Harrison Ford a very unhappy man. So say goodbye to unnaturally enhanced double-D's and hello to enhancing your personality.
Vive la Boob Natural!
TPOKW
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